Fred On The Move

Sunday night on 3 Dec'06 was a night to remember. I pick a passenger (guy) from Terminal 2 around 11pm and was asked to go to Brooke Road. I scratched my head and asked him foolishly if he could guide me there. He was very kind and told me to drive along Marine Parade Road and it's near Paramount Hotel. Ok. I know where Paramount is. Along the way we chatted about as usual how cab driving is and as usual I told him I only started cab driving a month ago and is unable to know where all these small roads are. We also touch on the impending Christmas which is just round the corner and that this year it seems the celebration had started earlier with the Orchard Road decorations up well in advance. Possibly about 1.5 months ahead. Told him many cab drivers will try to avoid Orchard Road because of the heavy traffic. Can't blame us. We are just doing what normal humans do. And that is to make a decent living. If we are caught in the jam, our earnings would drop drastically. I have been fortunate that so far, all the passengers I picked are kind and helpful. But this is not the part to remember. The story below is.

After dropping him at this place, I pick a quite good looking young lady waiting outside his condominium gate for a cab. For a while, I thought she was a Chinese national. She boarded my cab and wants to go to Choa Chu Kang Avenue 5. Okay, she's not a Chinese national from her accent. Then she dropped a bomb as I started to drive. "Uncle, are you married?" It was like, Huh!!!. I remained calm and told her, "Yes, I am married with 2 beautiful daughters (both in NUS) and have a wonderful wife." "How do you and your wife talk to each other and do you ever quarrel?" Wah, asked so personal questions. Then it dawn on me that she is probably facing some personal problems in her life. I told her in marriage, both spouses have to learn to give and take, be tolerant, patient and forgiving. In my case, I told her I am the one who always give way to my wife because she has a temper. However, after her cancer treatment, she has cooled down considerably. I briefly told her my marriage history and asked her to give in to her husband if possible because he could be facing some personal problems that he didn't want to confide to her.

She said has been married for only 10 months and cracks are beginning to appear because of her husband's jealousy. She work in a local bank, UOB and her husband in an engineering company and he is an ITE graduate. She complained about her husband's lack of understanding and jealousy, often queried her why she come back from work so late at between 7 to 8pm and suspects that she is having an affair outside (starts to sob). "Hello", she said, "I worked at Raffles Place and stayed in Choa Chu Kang and he expects me to be back by 6.30pm. I finish work at 6pm if I am lucky, if not sometimes would finish work at about 8pm. The train ride alone takes about an hour plus not forgetting she also has to take a feeder bus home from CCK MRT station." I agreed with her that the hourney home from Raffles Place to CCK will require at least 1.5 hours.

She complained about her husband's lack of support for her and always listens to his mother. Generally, she has no freedom of speech. At one time during a quarrel, she asked her husband why he married her if he so detest her now after only 10 months of marriage. At this point, I suggested that she and her husband seek a marriage counseller to see how best to salvage their marriage. She mentioned they have already done so but her husband give a smirk remark that the marriage counsellers always support the woman. She also mentioned her husband recently bought a car, this despite his insufficient capability to support the car, not to mention the family. He also owns a motorbike. I told her it's probably he needs the car for his work but she said no because he rides the motorbike to work and only drive the car during the weekends. Just last week, her husband wanted to change the car's tyre. She asked him why and he simply says the new tyres looked better. "God, such a waste of money despite the fact that he is incapable of supporting both the bike and car and I had to chip in", she said. It was then at this point that she mentioned her husband is a Malay. And she had already converted to become a Muslim. She can't fall back on her family for support as her family has all along disapprove of her marriage to a Malay. There was a time, as she mentioned her husband said something about her having no one to turn to as her family is not even on talking terms with her. So if he sometimes don't talk to her, who will?

She says her marriage is already at a point of no return as she discovered and was at one point in time comtemplating suicide. Told her that it is a foolish thought and that we have to face life head-on and not avoid it. Not that I am trying to encourge her to separate, short of divorce, I suggest she moved out and allow a cooling down period of say 3 to 6 months to decide whether to carry on with the marriage or part ways. As she is only 23 (her husband is 10 years older), I personally belief she has a much better future ahead than she think. She mentioned she is beyond that capability (financially because of the housing and others loans) and now regrets not carrying on the friendship with her former boyfriend (local Chinese)who loves her a lot. I told her ultimately, she has to make a decision for herself and should not be under any influence. She has to think things over carefully and try to have a calm and serious face to face talk with her husband. I wish I could help but I know I can't.

I am not qualified to be a marriage counseller but I belief what I suggested to her (the staying apart trial period) is generally correct and that she has to face her future head-on. She has to plan her path from now on and make her own decision wisely. She mentioned maybe she is not that good looking. When we reached her place, she paid me the fare and as I returned her the changes, I turned to look at her and told her, "You are not bad looking, so be confident about yourself, goodnight and don't think too much." She smiled and thanked me for listening to her problems and closed the door.

As I drove off, my thoughts of her problems still fill my mind and even until this moment as I penned her sad story. In life, sometimes it is a gamble in whatever things we do, but I think the biggest gamble is with marriage. I always thought it would be good to study the family background of your loved ones before committing to a marriage. Of course sometimes it is not necessarily true that your loved ones will behave like their family. But it is only a guide and I often told my daughters to open their eyes wide before committing to a relationship. Because during courtship, many couples tend to tolerate each other because they are in love. It is good, I think, to encourage your partner to be open with whatever problems or issues they are uncomfortable with and be frank about it rather than sweeping it under the carpet. We never know what lies in the future but we will know what lies under the carpet if we don't plan for it and discover to our horror all the sickening things under it. I think life can be better if partners are forthcoming about issues at hand. Being honest with each other would strengthen the marriage and bonding of each other.

Until then, my clock has just chimed and telling me it's time for bed. I will continue with some other stories if I find it newsworthy.

Goodnight!
fred